PAX!

So I was able to go to PAX on Saturday. I'm sad to say it was actually the first convention I had ever been to. I've had the opportunity to go to many cons throughout the years and I always declined to go. I had such a good time though, I don't think I'll ever miss another.

One of the highlights was getting to see a live demo of Aliens CM. The speaker was some big shot from one of the studios, and he was either a good liar, or was actually genuinely excited about this game. He spoke of how accepting Fox was of allowing them to continue the story and build upon the canon. The new species they showed was some sort of Crusher alien, with an impenetrable head. They handed out shirts with an image of a pulse rifle and the phrase 'Peace through superior firepower" on them. Unfortunately their choices were L or XL and I am a wee boy of 5'5 and 110 lbs so the shirt goes to my knees and I do not think I'll be wearing it.

Had I known how much time would be spent waiting in line I would have gotten a 3 day pass instead of just the one day. It was a good 40 minute wait to play Battlefield 3, and about the same for Bioshock Infinite. We skipped Borderlands 2 and Skyrim, because at each point we saw the lines, they were far beyond their "From this point in line the wait is 2 hours" mark. We saw a preview of Prey 2 at Bethesda, which looks fucking legit.

I did get to play about 10 minutes of The Old Republic. I have to say I was not impressed. Part of it was because I didn't have time to fully customize my character, and also because it was just a generic 'save the Padawan' mission. I got no sense of story and very little of character. The graphics, while good, would not be enough alone for me to buy the game. I finished playing just in time to snap a picture of 3po as he was walking by.


I attended two panels while I was there. The first was "How to make your own videogame website and win at Life" and had the creators of Destructoid and Screw Attack. Again, I was not impressed. While it was very interesting listening to just how fucking hard it is to run something like that against competition like IGN, there was a lot of... nonsense and tomfoolery. They wandered off topic frequently, and would stop to tell anecdotes. They did talk about the proper way one should structure your leadership, the differences between certain ad companies, and the utter necessity of Google analytics. I felt the overall motto was "Work hard, you'll get nothing for it save for the satisfaction of having your own gaming website."

The other panel I attended was "Flying a Pride Flag" about 'gaymers' in the gaming community. The speaker was a gay game developer who had worked on the gayest game ever, Disney Princess Adventure or some shit. The main point of concern was the constant use of homophobic slurs in multiplayer gaming, but also, homosexual characters in videogames, and why gaming is frowned upon in the gay community. He admittedly told us that he was no sociologist, and though he had conducted a survey asking participants about their thoughts on these matters, it had over 63 questions on it. He handed it out to 100 applicants, the majority of whom were his co-workers and friends.

He didn't have a majority of the data finished because there just wasn't time to compile it all. The data he did have was so skewed toward extremes it was useless. He mainly made assumptions about what he felt on the matters. He did parallel the birth of the gay rights movement and the birth of the videogame, which was interesting, and also noted study that showed a high percentage of gamers with some kind of functional autism or aspergers syndrome. I hadn't thought about it, but it's certainly true in my experience.

But like I said, I had a blast!

Merry Xmas

Hey Everyone,

Sorry for the long gap between posts! The motherboard on our computer died and we had to save to buy a new one! And we finally just did! It's been a crazy couple of months (or maybe it just feels like that.)

I don't have a lot of time to get real in-depth about anything at the moment as I have to go to work, but I assure you I have lots of issues I want to cover. Work being one of them.

See ya soon.

Down, Down, Down

My bank account is plummeting. Past the point of impact. Straight into the red. Straight into hell. It wasn't anything we've done. Well, perhaps it was a little. But some company in Portugal, "Lalibco," has charged us $600 for.... something. I have no idea what. I've started a fraud investigation with Wells Fargo, and called the company themselves and have them investigating the claim. The really bad part is that when our checks Direct Deposit, it'll just cancel out the debt, so we'll have no money for rent! This could not have come at a worse time. Actually, it doesn't matter when it came, because we never have the money to afford any kind of accident like this.

I don't know what it is, but we just don't seem to be capable of still having money by the time we get each paycheck. I don't know what we have to do either. I don't think it's because we don't make enough money, we get paid pretty well for what we do.

Since we've lived here in Seattle we've amassed about $8,000 in credit card debt. Partly because of our cat Harpo's broken leg accident, and partly because we decided to buy a $1,500 Panasonic G10 Plasma TV. It's worth every penny, but it doesn't matter how "worth it" it is, when you don't have the pennies to pay for it. We recently tried to get a loan through Wells Fargo to pay off all of our other debt, but we were denied. It just seems like one of those cases where the spinning wheel has stopped spinning, and we're perpetually stuck on the bottom. Should we put a few bucks per week into a savings account? Sounds like a good idea, but in practice we'd probably need that money to pay off the debt we have now. I know they say living for today is a bad idea, but when you're poor, today is all that counts.

Argh. I'm going to the bank tomorrow to hopefully get all this cleared up. My parents are coming into town on Saturday, which should be fun. I hope. Not that it does much good. Oh well, going to watch a movie with our friends Courtney and Chad. Hope that will lighten my mood.

Marriage is for Old Folks

As I sit here on PRIDE weekend, not out partying it up like I should be (poor), I'm listening to Nina Simone in my apartment. I'm sort of torn in that I want to be out gayin' it up but really wouldn't know where to begin? Am I supposed to just walk down the street making out with (my boyfriend) Jason? Cause I will. I've always felt at odds with the gay culture in that I really don't enjoy many of the things that they embrace. Not a huge fan of techno, Madonna, illicit drug use, and random sexual encounters. I'm obviously generalizing here, but you get the picture. I'm more into classic rock, quiet evenings, reading, that type of thing. I'm more of what they call "straight-acting." Which is funny, because it's not acting, it's just who I am. Perhaps I'm sort of a gay-nerd type.

And while I think gays should obviously be allowed to marry, I have no desire to do so. I like the word 'boyfriend.' It just has a nice ring to it. It's not ambiguous at all like 'partner.' Anyone can use 'partner.' I will admit that I've used the word 'roommate' when not sure how someone will react 'boyfriend.' I try to keep that to a minimum however. Eventually I could see 'Husband' working, but not now. In terms of gay pride, it's always been a confusing issue. Being gay is really just a small part of who I am. I don't want people to equate 'Patrick' with 'gay.' If they think Patrick = smart ass, that I'm cool with. On the other hand, like it or not, I am a part of this community and feel I should support it.

I was approached about 6 months ago at Best Buy to create a PRIDE group in an attempt to reach out to the LGBT community. Best Buy wants them to know that they care about the community because, well, gays are loyal. If you show them you care, they will continue to shop at your store. My reason? I want to do some good. Plain and simple. I agreed to head the organization and hand picked people who I saw had passion for this cause as well. The first few months were, in a word, hard.

It was hard getting things started. Our biggest goal was to make it into the parade and festival that's taking place tomorrow. Because we're a national company, they wanted about $10,000. Having just started our group, we had no numbers or facts that would show the boss men that they would get a return on their investment. Once we discovered that was a no-go, it seemed people lost interest.

I kept at it and eventually things just seemed to fall into place. We had been in communication with the Lambert House, which is similar to a boys & girls club, but for LGBTQ-oriented individuals. We're now their once-a-month meal providers, and having just completed the first meal, I can't wait to do it again. The energy, not only from the youth there (there were about 30-40 when we were told there would be 10-20) but from my co-workers as well, was amazing, It seemed like everyone had a great time, enjoyed the food, and was really glad we were there.

We're also a once-a-month crew for the LifeLong Aids Alliance. They cook a monthly meal for their various clients, volunteers, etc, that they need volunteers to cook for. While they had more of a routine set up, they were also very glad we were there. I was too. Word is spreading that Best Buy cares about the community. The brass can get what they want, and I can get what I want. Next step is to start working on getting in the parade for next year. I'll post some pictures of the events soon.

In other news, Salon.com posted a slide show of "The Year in Gay." While to me, it doesn't seem to be different than any other year, I enjoyed it. As slow as it seems to be taking, progress is being made. Marriage in NY, the potential repeal of DADT, etc. Let me know what you think.

The Year in Gay!

Best,
Patrick

Introductions

"Do you suppose I could buy back my introduction to you?"

--Groucho Marx

This being my first blog (at least on this website) I figure I should start by introducing myself. Some of you already know me, or at least know me as a co-worker, but this will give you a chance to see me outside of that setting, able to articulate views I might otherwise not be able to with the hustle and bustle of work, or because of the presence of customers. Other still may know me more intimately and this may be nothing more than a reiteration of what you've heard me talk about for years. But life brings changes and I hope those changes bring you back to this blog to hear what I have to say and to question your own values.

With that being said, let me start. My full name is Patrick Joseph Molling. Born February 27th, 1985, in Milwaukee, Wisconsin. My birth parents are unknown to me, I was put up for adoption at birth. I have a single sheet of paper that has scraps of info on my birth parents. My mother was Irish and Italian, and she stated her reason for adoption was not wanting to be a single mother at age 42. My alleged father was African American and Indian, who was married and had a family. I consider myself lucky. Many make it into the foster care system and never make it out. I'm short, about 5'5, and skinny ~110, probably could be in better shape. I keep my hair shaved short because I don't have the patience to style or dry it. (This has not always been the case.) My moods sometimes depend entirely on the weather. Like Superman, sunlight gives me strength. Growing up in Wisconsin, you learn to appreciate the summers. But for the most part, I generally have a positive attitude.

My adoptive parents took me into their home in either June or July of '85. My mom is almost fully Irish, born and raised in Pittsburgh Pennsylvania. My dad is German and Polish (go figure) from Port Washington, Wisconsin. Where this show took place. Presumably with much less pot smoking. Both of them are Catholic, my mother more so, in the fact that it influences many of the decisions she makes. My dad, not so much. He is a taxpayer first, and a Catholic second. I mean that in the best possible way.

I have one younger sibling, my sister Elizabeth. Born a year after me. Takes after my parents. I almost still hate to say it, but she's smarter than me, and much nicer than me. We had a typical childhood growing up. Barbies. Ninja Turtles. The suburbs. Family dinners. You know, WASP crap. Went to Catholic school from k-8, public from 9-12. It was there in high school that I first started understanding who I was and what these emotions that I felt meant. High-school can be a scary and dangerous place. I didn't dare tell anyone, save for one person, what I was feeling. I wadded through the mud and denial for a long time, going so far as my first year of college. But it was then that with lots of love and support from my friends, I allowed myself to exist as who I was, a boy who liked boys.

Even then, I still wasn't out to everybody. My family's Catholic roots made it quite obvious that issues of that nature could never be brought up. I have never been very open with my family anyways, so I felt, and still somewhat feel, that my business is my own. But I digress.

I graduated from the University of Wisconsin-Milwaukee with Bachelors in Creative Writing, something I'm very proud of. I know people with Masters and PHd's that look at a BA with the same disdain as a high school diploma. But so be it. If I had the time and money, a Masters would be easily obtainable. Anyways, after college I knew a change was needed. I'd never be able to be myself living at home. I had taken a few trips to Seattle with friends, and fell in love with the city. The landscape, the skyline, the welcoming atmosphere, the excitement. I had made up my mind that Seattle was to be my destination.

I worked two jobs to save, and along the way, met a boy. A cute boy. A cute boy named Jason. Having never felt love, I could just feel... something. I knew I wanted to be with him for a long time. This seemed to throw a wrench in my moving plans though. I was planning to move in one year. I told him this from the start, and told him to honestly think about what he wanted to do. It wasn't an easy decision, but after a year of being together, we moved to Seattle together. It was a rough couple of months. My job lineups had fallen through, and he was desperately missing his family. We roughed through it, got jobs, and made new friends. Our two year anniversary will be on August 8th. With that, here we are. We have a nice apartment, good jobs, good friends, and two crazy cats. Money is tight, but money is always tight. It's practically a non-issue. There are always things to work on, progress to be made, complacency to fight off. So we will.

There's still more you don't know about me. Books, movies, and music I like, pet peeves, matters of honor, and sublime moments of stupidity. More to the point, how I resolve myself in the choices and decisions I make, while still participating as an active member of the world we live in. 'Cause it ain't always easy, and quite frankly, there are times I'm not even sure how I do it.